The ways to fool urself

Two ways by the TMAN on the art of fooling urself
drunken day @ the nipple palace..every1 outta cash due to excessive expenditure on booze..being the amazin intellectual, i had carried a packet of bakharwadi{if u dunno wat that is u shld jus die}....i needed help in cuttin the packet, so i ask a semi drunk aniruddh to help me out by holdin the tip btwn his forfinger and thumb so that i culd cut it.....
Aniruddh(wantin to sound funny) : dude dont cut ma finger.....or i wont be able to shag......
another incident occured wen i was leavin jalada for ma house..@ the taxi stand...aniruddh had jus had an assum comeback against an ayush "insult"...ridin high on this sudden achieved "popularity" he tried to fool the unsuspecting taxi driver by sayin " Uncle, aap 5 minute ruko, mein 2 minute mein aata hun..." its onli wen the cabbie laughs that he realises his stupidity and goes" fuck, reverse that!!!!"

for the REAL stupid, he wanted to say "aap 2 min ruko, mein 5 min mein aata hun"

and u dont need a dictionary with the assum teddy Alisha around...she is the most brilliant individual i have ever met and puts the oxford to shame...i mean who can come with the followin spells?
exagurate for exaggerate
desparate for desperate

lier here she ment liar

cork for the male organ
amazin arent they.... love ull maan!!

THE PADHU CHACHA INCIDENT!

wazza!!! long tym eh? ok back with a rib-tickling incident...as most of u know, aniruddh THE nippani alwez has to defend himself against anythin and everythin hurled at him that mite be remotely insultin or untrue....as is obvious we{me, aunty, katcha, pocha, kedar etc....i dint write ayush on purpose} love to piss him off...so here is another incident of 5 on 1 aniruddh insulting..

Venue: above the garage of two towers
Tym: sumtym btwn 7 and 8

Ok so all of us were real hungry and broke and as usual only pocho/pocha was loaded...so he picks up a Mirinda and a packet of Lays...it is offered around...aniruddh takes one chip and after a careful look devours it....as the rest are chatting, aniruddh suddenly breaks air

Aunty(who has sumtin against good music): Fuk!!!aniruddh jus FARTED..YUCK!!!!!
Aniruddh: Fuck u okay?
ME: Yuck dude....bloody farter!
Aniruddh: Fuck u okay?
At this juncture all seeing the oppurtunity SWOOP in....
Pocho(initially ignorin us for the chips but unable to resist the temptation):come on dude! how old are u? ek chip khakar...yuck maan.....
Aniruddh: Fuck u okay?
Ayush: rukh mein sabko batunga....
Aniruddh: fuck u okay? i dint fart...ma jeans jus rubbed against the ground...(furitively "rubbin" his jeans agaunst the floor with a look of hope)
Aunty: padhu padhu chacha(with me and pocho givin background music)
Aniruddh: fuck u okay? shut up ok? colony mein mat faila...

Ignorin his desperate plea we continue with the rantin...finally...
Aniruddh(PLEADIN!!!!) WHY me re???? fuck ull okay? i dint fart...

For the record, he said "fuck u okay?" these six tyms and total of 13 tyms in da day....if u fail to grasp the gravity of the situation, this convo lasted 5 mins..

HEY MANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wazzzzzaaaaa ppl!!! today is another day in jalada history.....today we shall talk about one of the MOST prominent characters, the T- man, the B- man, Nipples, the Legend, the owner of the Nipple Palace, THE aniruddh nippani......well aniruddh, in short, is one of the smartest people in the world.....he thinks he is very pretty and thinks his lips are full and luscious.. he is confused as to why any1 from his dog to esha "deol" refuses to kiss them.....he is the epitome of the symbiotic existence of intelligence and raw sexual prowess...as u may have guessed by now, g2, ankur, pocho and I develop a real inferiority complex when we come in contact with HIS HOLINESS.....here are sum incidents proving and highlightin all i have said before

Venue: Jalada
Tym: Evening
well we were jus back from another gig @ HRC that aniruddh again missed.....we were talkin bou how Skincold got a bad deal when aniruddh butts in with his amazin knowledge

Ashwin: fuk maan..that judge was such a chutia..bloody 9??? wtf?
G2(who has sumtin against good music but agreeing with me for a change): ya man....judges suck
Ankur: dude aniruddh u missed it man wat a a crazy crowd!
Aniruddh(with a srs look): dude i had to study
loooking at me
Abey i went for the bhayanak maut gig......wat crazy moshing
Ashwin: arrey dick wat moshin u can do in HRC? way too much furniture... Razz thodi hai
Aniruddh(headbangin): abey tere ko kuch nahi pata....es tara woh mundi(headbangin) aur gala hilane ko moshing kehete hai

When me ankur and g2 convince him ki wat he's calling "moshing" os actually called head bangin,
Aniruddh(sheepishly): dudes im SOOOO embarrassed!

Waaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

welcome again gentlemen, alisha and..... jitu.......today, my friends is an auspicious day to introduce one of the funniest characters of this strip who, his parents named omkar after lookin into the future and seeing ajay devgans movie[they forgot the 'a' and for that he shall never forgive them]...well omkar has an exceptionally high opinion of himself...he gets back at people who wish to bring him back to harsh reality by,ahem, banning them on orkut. he is alwez in love and is a BIG fan of cannibal corpse coz they have a song tentatively titled "i cum Blood".... he is @ his ultimate best during arguments with the semen stealer ankur or the BJB, me....
Venue: the place near first shop next to irritating womans classes
Time: jus after a gig at HRC

well the aunty,the semen stealer and I were ganging up on omkar as usual when he lets slip this AMAZIN argument....
Jitu: dude ur such dick man,omkar...u talk such shit....
Ankur: eh omkara omkara....
Ashwin(@ ankur who is visibly pleased): dude wats the thing u made on him?
Ankur: arrey ha..ek do teen char, chutiya omkar
Jitu: hhahahhahhahahaahhahahahahhahha

somehow in the midst of this convo, it gets diverted towards omkars really small dick......
Ankur: eh omkara omkara....
Suddenly sumtin inside the homo snaps...
Omkar: ashwin tu toh chup hi baith, tera khada nahi hota
Ashwin: dude how the fuk would u know ki mera khada hota hai ki nahi
Omkar(thinkin ashwin to be the most naive guy on mother earth): abey tere muah pe dikhta hai
Ashwin ankur and jitu exchange confused stares..then
Ashwin: dude, tu kya muah pe leke ghumta hai???????

DUDEZ!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome all....today i shall tell u of this real funny thing that happened...coupla weeks back...it goes so...

Venue: Hard rock Cafe, Lower Parel
Time: around 5
Occasion: Channel V launchpad....decibel And Level 9

ok level 9 was REAL sad....so while we wait for the decibel guyz to play sum metal, this happens:
Ashwin: dude level sucks SOOOO bad...
G2(who has sumtin against good music, but agreeing with me for once): ya man...terrible
Ankur(removin another Benson): dude this has to be the worst performance ive seen to date

In the meanwhile, our grunchwoman has been maintainin a stoic silence....i follow his gaze and see that he is keenly observing luke kenny chewin his finger nails.......after some 10 mins, he comes up with one of the best liners in HISTORY
Ayush(with a triumphant grin): dude!!!! check out luke kenny!!!!!!!he is NAIL BITING himself!!!!

well u think thats funny,well ayush came up with this CORNY one liner too to...ahem...."impress" the chick of his dreams..
Ayush(to unsuspecting stupid gal whu thinks ayush is THE guy for her): sit on ma lap and we shall talk about the first thing that pops up..and that will be a question.........



Another example of how confused he really is?
Well he got into this fite with the guy in the colony.....he wanted to use "pick up lines" coz he thot they were the same as threatening lines....lol

jus an extract from the argument they had that left most of us speechless,amazed at ayushs oratory skills..
Bad Dude(with balls in mouth): dekh tere ko jo kuch kehna hai,mereko bol...mere family pe math jaa
Ayush(best argument to date): kyu be tu tere family ka part nahi hai kya????


RESULT: peals of laughter

ayush we love u man

the Grunchman....the history behind the title

well this is a question i have been faced eversince i met the "grunchwoman"......well i knew it HAD to do sumtin with his terrible spellings, but i thot id ask the dhawanator[he is also known as the semenstealer and the katcha king]..this is the convo that occured..

Venue: the underwear squad actors' HQ aka ankurs room
tym: Not important

Ashwin: dude, i 've been thinking......
Ankur(chattin with sum1 on orkut): ya dude
Ashwin: dude why is ayush called the grunchwoman????? ok i no he has a teeny weeny and boobs, so woman, but why "grunch"?
Ankur: ya dude......fuk maan,im soo hungry
Ashwin(clearly pissed @ being ignored): abey %$#&%&&&^ chutia answer na......
Ankur: oh yeah.....dude!!!!!!!!! long story maan...arrey woh ayush aaya that "nirvana nirvan karke" he was sayin i love Grunge.....so on a hunch jitu asks him to spell Grunge and he says "abey yaar...grunch" tab se baith gaya hai

so now u knw WHY he is THE grunchwoman......that was ur lesson in jalada history...

note to viewers: dont ask the grunchwoman how to spell "sloshed".....he is eternally "slausht"....explanation? ok.....

Venue: Yukti classes
Tym: a lazy afternoon

Me,febin(this guy who was a witness to sum of the famous ayush incidents..is 5 feet tall),varun, and ayush were busy defacing the yukti blackboard,wen ayush spells Grunge as G-R-U-N-J......after a good laugh:
ashwin: das dude,ur soooo dumb.....
Febin: are u eternally sloshed? why do u spell so pathetically? dint u go to school? wait a minute dude,can u spell 'sloshed"
Ayush:(offended at being questioned): chutia smjha hai kya? obviously....SLOSHT
Varun(seeing an opening): Dude tu chutia hai...it is Slausht
Ayush:(thinkin how naive varun is): arrey yaar sahi hai....it IS SLAUSHT...kal hi dictionary mein padha...

well folks, now u see why we treat him the way we treat him....


for an amazing definition of "the grunchwoman" please visit the below link...
http://www.orkut.com/Community.aspx?cmm=26839349

later dudez......

Intro

well since ma previous blog wasnt taken too sweetly by the person it was "dedicated" to..so here is a take on ma frends on account of whom i have so much amusement in ma life....
Well, mostly this blog is gonna surround the following ppl and these are the names we have kept for each other
ankur- dhawanator,vaheguru,the stupid sardar,etc
chandrajit- jitu,g2,slutboi,panty aunty, etc
aniruddh- the bra man,the t man, the legend residin in the nipple palace,padu chacha,etc
abhisheikh-pocho,the loaded dude
ayush-the grunchwoman,bhaiyya bosadika,etc
kedar-out of source
omkar-homo
All other references will be made in due tym....plus since the only SOME sanity here is jitu,all conformations of ma blog can be done with him